Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Wes Anderson shoots some Hyundai ads

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Jack and Jill

 My internship had just finished and I am now jobless, my buddy is still on his summer break and it so happens that Flux Pavilion and Doctor P will play a show in Montreal before they spin at the World Electronic Music Festival (WEMF) the day after which we couldn’t go because of budget issues. The plan was to go to Montreal, eat at Schwartz, party it out with Flux Pavilion and Doctor P, stay the night, grab some o j at Orang Julep and head home. We are staying at L’Hotel St. Denis from a hook up due to previous endeavors and fortuitously the venue (Telus Theatre) is 2 buildings away on the same street. Tickets have been purchased and the night prior to departure I went to T&T to grab some munchies: 2 Viet buns and some gummy candy. We are now ready for the 5hr trip.

 My buddy and I were the remaining crew from Eursh that was still in the country, with one being in Florida and the other in Sri Lanka we were on our way to Montreal. We found a GPS and set the language to British dialect and listened to the Knife Party Ibzia essential mix tape over and over again until a red Mustang caught our attention. The red stang had been rolling with us for quite some time now and a system was soon developed where we would take turns speeding and tailing each other to gain km (O.P.P don’t usually hunt cars that are in groups) but not too long after, my buddy informs me that an O.P.P cruiser is behind us and its’ lights began to flash. We were fucked but luckily a pit stop was approaching and my buddy tells me to pull in and fortunately the cruiser didn’t follow but pursued the red stang instead, he was our unsung hero. We pulled into the pit stop for a quick piss and refilled on gas, had a smoke and  rant about how lucky we were and continued our journey.

 After continuous day dreaming and zoning we’ve finally arrived. The hotel was our first destination, after checking in with a very flamboyant clerk, we parked in the underground around the side and couldn’t resist planking at every opportunity we could find. There was an air vent sitting on a platform chained to the ceiling and oh boy what an opportunity it would be I thought, so I jumped on, planked and took a photo before my buddy told me to stop and don’t move because a fan was situated on top of my head. How clumsy of me to not of notice, the trip could’ve ended there for us but it didn’t. As we entered the elevator we couldn’t help but notice the button that states “SS” (short form for underground  in French) and began to giggle all the way to our floor. Opening the door to our base we were hoping for 2 king size beds and a Jacuzzi but instead there was 1 king size bed and a bathroom, all we could really ask for considering it was free. Jumping on the bed and unpacking we are now starving since the 2 viet buns only stalled our stomachs temporarily, so we decided to go for a walk along St.Catherines and find Schwartz but before any of that took place, we packed a bowl and to our discovery a huge spider had made its’ web outside our window. It was unfortunate and perhaps rather rude of us to blow the smoke into its’ face but that was the only window in the room, we named it Charles.

 After munching at Scwartz it was clear to us that this was a boost, I ate at the take out section before and it was my first time sitting in the diner and as foolish as I was to think it might be orgasmic this time, it wasn’t, just some smoked meat in a sandwich same as the last time but don’t get me wrong it was sumptuous. As we left the diner we continued walking around to a very beautiful day in Montreal and a large section of St.Catherines was closed off for pedestrians only and we noticed all the vibrant colours which decorated the entire street that consisted of purple and pink. There was also a huge ratio of dudes to girls. As we continued walking more and more, guys in tights began giving us odd looks with smirks. We also came across a bar where the patio was packed with dudes, shoulder to shoulder literally. It was the 2011 Pride Weekend hosted by Montreal where gays, lesbians, transvestites and other bizarre gems came together to party it out and we were right in the middle of it. Everything made sense to us now, the flamboyant hotel clerk who gave us a noticeable grin, the pink and purple decorations, the magazines that was being distributed around the city with two half naked men hugging each other, and all the men staring at us as if we were popsicle sticks on a hot summer day, which it was. The funny thing is we were sharing a bed in the hotel, but none of that mattered because by night we party with the Brits.

 The line was building up and we could hear cheers and screams amongst the crowd, we were in no hurry since the venue was 20 steps from our hotel. I don’t recall on how much marijuana was consumed before the show but we began searching our room as if we were solving a mystery in a crime scene. After another session with Charles we headed downstairs and the line began outside the hotel doors. I can’t remember if we popped the pill in our room or in the line but nonetheless it was in our system now and we are about to go in. Some chick was spinning the opening act and she was mad decent, throwing on some electro and finishing off with some old school Biggie tunes. The crowd was hyped and ready for some dub-step. I had no idea where my boy was but the mash pit had consumed us both by now as Flux Pavilion began spinning his show. I must say Montreal surely knows how to MASH PIT, I was having trouble holding it down at first from all the intensive pushing and shoveling but you get use to it and it almost becomes second nature. The rest of the night was spent battling one another to dub-step. I was upstairs on the balcony at this point with some space to breath while Doctor P took over the table. I spent the rest of night there enjoying some “Sweat Shop” and “Tetris” along with their roots: drum and bass.

 It was probably around 3am when the venue shut off the sounds and kicked everyone out. I was on my way back to the room while my buddy was chit chatting away with Doctor P and Flux Pavilion. I entered the lobby receiving a smile from the same clerk as I approached the elevator doors. The couple inside gave me a stare and asked if I came from the show, I said yes, their reply was the same, very nice people. I asked if they would like to chill in our room for a bit before exiting the elevator which they agreed to after changing their clothes. It was very quiet in the room and I am still fucked, Charles had disappeared and I changed into something that was dry. I probably spent the next 30 minutes or so staring at the ceiling until I heard a knock, I thought it was my boy but it was the couple from the elevator and they brought some friends. “Jack and Jill” was how they introduce themselves to me, I couldn’t remember the other 2 girls and guys name. They were from Vermont, U.S and had travelled up to Montreal for the show and are driving back the next day as Jack was scheduled to work. My boy came back bedazzled to who these strangers were; he introduced himself along with Charles the spider. There was no way any of us was sleeping any time soon, so being polite Canadians we rolled up a splif and invited our American friends out for a walk. We didn’t walk too far since both parties were visitors and besides everyone was still sketching,  so we went to Mach’s and bought a pack of cigarettes and chilled outside a church for a little bit before parting ways.

 The sun had risen and we didn’t sleep at all because it was impossible to. The television was on the whole night set to some Christian fellowship channel and the trucks cleaning the streets sounded like a 747 landing on the roof of the hotel every 30 min. We packed our bags and were ready to go home, Charles was gone from his web but we said our farewells. The ride to Orang Julep just outside the city was peaceful; we were both in nostalgia or tired as fuck. The Julep was mesmerizing and not a single drop was wasted, time to go home, Knife Party essentials mix.

 Flux Pavilion and Doctor P never made it to WEMF because they were stuck in traffic due to the Pride Parade.  

By Calvin Tong

The hotel (blue sign) and venue (purple screen)

Friday, February 17, 2012

Hot Yoga and I

Hot Yoga and I

The $6 promo class begins at 8:30 pm and it’s on a first come first serve basis. I just got home from work and quickly shoved a tee, towel and shorts into my bag accompanied by my trustee water bottle. My girlfriend was outside and we proceeded to pick up another buddy who wanted to try hot yoga as well. As we stormed through traffic we finally found the alienated spot where hot yoga takes place. We enter the facility just in time, took our shoes off in the front and stormed into the change room where we were hurried by one of the employees. I slapped on my tee and shorts and noticed my buddies sweat pants and tee, what a grave mistake he made. We grabbed our mats and continued inside to the hot room and as we opened the door to a much dimmed out room the floor was filled with people lying down in rows of 4-5 which had at least 10 people in each row. We quietly stumbled across the floor, tip toeing trying not to step on anyone I noticed my girl friend already settled in and thought to myself that was probably a record time for a girl coming out the change room. My buddy and I found the last two spots in front of the mirror and lied down on our mats. 

I closed my eyes and began to accept the peaceful environment; the room was at a perfect temperature compared to the snow reddened outdoors. My breathing was now in a pattern and I had come to peace with my mind but that was all stolen from me as the instructor began the session. We started out with some basic stretches, hands to feet, a little arm movement and semi rotating the neck. I thought to myself this was pretty easy for someone who had no idea of what to expect but how wrong I was in the next 45 minutes or so. The instructor gave us a brief introductory and what to expect, she wasn’t really demanding and was very chills which was really cool eliminating any sort of pressure I had. We began with stretching our arms and maintaining a steady breathing pattern, I took my glasses off and couldn’t really see so I glanced into the mirror and over my shoulders to check what other people were doing and tried to mimic. Halfway in the session I clearly realized the modifications I have implemented on each of the stances and was a little embarrassed but managed to hold it on down with some corrections from the instructor. I also realized the amount of sweat that was pouring out of my face and body, I was literally raining on the mat throughout the night. It began to get a little more intense as we entered the second half and before I knew it, it turned into a boot camp where we were laid down on all fours and got right back up with one foot sticking up or something continuously, the whole night was connecting the oddest body parts to another.

After the intensity is over, the instructor would ask us to lay down again to recuperate and with the soothing experimental music playing in the background I must say it is then when I became one with myself, feeling everything from head to toe. Albeit the sweat, and the smell of alcohol from my sweat it was the best detox, it was perfect. Before we knew it, an hour and a half had passed and the session was over. As everyone stumbled out I found my buddy who was now shirtless and sweaty as fuck which almost reminds me of the time we saw Fake Blood and in fact this actually was the closest thing I could compare it with…a less intense version of a rave.

At last, a breath of fresh air and my body all relaxed and renewed but most importantly my lungs felt solid so I rewarded myself by smoking a cigarette. Overall hot yoga was quite enjoying and universal, being as late as we were we still managed to hack out the entire session without fleeing the scene, but a man my size  is definitely unnecessary for me to sweat as much as I did on a regular basis. However the night was still young and after the shower we went to my buddies and drank some good old scotch, so much for the detox.

-Calvin Tong

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Never Try Acid Kids

“Never try acid kids…”

As Canada’s Day was fast approaching our plans for a summer cottage was being finalized. After a month of researching different spots that needed to coincide with our budget we finally found the perfect spot in between Ottawa and Quebec. With a few strings pulled we managed to find a vehicle for the trip. With everything all packed, all seasoned we were patiently waiting for the day of departure.

The itinerary included a night stay in the nation’s capital for Canada’s Day where the accommodation was provided by an Ottawa local who hitched a ride with us. The ride to Ottawa didn’t seem that long since my mind or the minds of the passengers were all over the place thanks to a natural herb assembled the night prior. Before we knew it the sun had set and we were in Ottawa: home to the Sens, the Parliament, the Prime Minister and a lot of sketchy white people. We were clueless as to what we could do on the eve of Canada’s day, the streets seemed pretty empty and I made a call to meet up with a girlfriend at a local bar. We Google mapped the location and began walking while enjoying the canals of Ottawa, as the walking continued we were clearly lost and had no clue where we were but that was all put aside when we stumbled upon an Asian massage parlor with a very attractive Asian girl on display…but we continued walking. As last call approached we were still wandering the streets of Ottawa and decided to meet my friend at her place instead. After arriving at her apartment we caught up for a bit and made a call to another girlfriend for drinks at her place. After a few glasses of what I believed to be whiskey everything else was a blur.

The streets were filling up quickly, everyone was holding Canadian flags and chanting “Canada” as we headed towards the highway, Ottawa was history. One day deep into our trip everyone is now anxious to see our cottage, our haven our place of salvation. It took maybe another 3 hours before we arrived to the middle of nowhere, literally. As the Canadian flags slowly disappeared, more and more Quebec flags appeared, we were getting close. The road turned into gravel and mud, driving on the designated path we soon located our cottage and entered the gates, we were finally here. Before unpacking the cars we took a tour around the vicinity and I must say the view from the backyard was priceless: a lake overlooking an atoll of trees with clear blue skies.  I chose the room with the fan which turned out to be the wisest decision and shared the bed with my boy. Almost instantly beers were being cracked and alcohol was being poured. Getting a little tipsy we took the party outdoors and sat on a floater attached to our port where the canoe was and zoned out to our paradise. The owner of the cottage arrived shortly to give us a visit and a rundown which was simply have fun but keep it real, he was cool. Our dinner was being prepared as the rest of crew settled in; we had pasta and meatballs with barbeque chicken. The rest of the night was spent drinking and chirping one another.

The mosquito bites were beginning to irritate me but it was okay because today is the day we’ve anticipated for, today is the day we try LSD aka Acid. After months and months of contemplating whether or not we should try this gem and consulting with many of our friends who have experimented with it we were now determine to give it a shot. It was going to be a 12 hour trip and many people compared the trip with mushrooms but not mushrooms, where everything you see will become more vibrant. We had a grand breakfast/lunch and waited until noon. The sun penetrated the den and onto the tab of acid which I was warned not to touch with my hands because it will seep through my skin and waste the drug. I placed the bluish purple piece of paper onto my tongue for like 5 minutes, the other 2 guys follow suited. There was no turning back now, as the rest of the crew munched on their mushrooms we went outdoors and waited for this psychedelic to kick in, not knowing what to expect and when it’ll hit, I just sun bathed on the float and went for a canoe ride with another buddy Maybe an hr in, I began to feel a little different, everything around me slowed and I felt as if I was hovering. The giggles began to kick in and for some reason I kept walking and walking not knowing where I was going and discovered a buddy in the hammock where he had wrapped himself up like a caterpillar in its’ cocoon, he was fucked. As I re entered the den, gravity bongs were being assembled and my turn was next, after inhaling my share I continued back outside laying in different spots around the cottage enjoying the grass, skies and water. 2 hours in it was clear, everyone in the cottage was fucked. One of my buddy was amazed by a package of milk and slit the top so he could pour it all over his hands in the sink. He said the feeling was sensational. Others couldn’t keep their hands off the carpet in the washroom as the texture felt euphoric and everyone’s vision became 1080p at one point. Another buddy couldn’t understand why one of the legs on the chair was not touching the floor before we pointed out that the rock base wasn’t even, he broke out into laughter. Another dude who had been solely drinking passed out on the floater while sun bathing, I’ve never seen an Asian burnt that bad until I saw him being carried in. All I could really remember is the consistent giggling and laughing conjured by the gang, I spent the rest of the afternoon looking up into the skies and into the trees.

Looking up at the sky I noticed something bizarre, the sky seemed to be coated with a layer of golden transparent shade and the clouds were within my grasp it was almost like looking into a giant kaleidoscope…I was in euphoria. Apart from Mother Nature’s lecture, my mind took me on an adventure from when I was child up into the current point of my life, all the decisions I made seem clear to me now as to why I made them and life itself was somewhat explained. As I glanced into the distant, the crew was chilling, swimming and canoeing and I thought to myself, what a beautiful planet we live on and how simple life could be. As I turned around a little garden snake appeared in front me, I am still and so is it. I remember looking it dead in the eyes and it slithered away momentarily. The sun was setting and we began to build a fire while the shroomers were coming to the end of their trip, dinner was being prepared but the fire kept the us at bay. How interesting it is to look at fire when you’re mind is somewhere else. Dinner was ready and the boys began eating but I was in no hurry to go back inside, I was still tripping. Enjoying the last few moments of the sun I noticed all the mosquito bites I have collected through out the day and I knew this will hurt by tomorrow.

The sun has settled and everything looked different at night, as we entered our base that’s when the trip actually began…the place was infested with creepy crawlies mind you that it is the summer and being genius’s  we left the windows and doors opened throughout the day. The shroomers seemed knackered from their day out but we were rejuvenated by some mysterious energy. I began munching on the left overs: "that’s some God damn good chicken" was all I could say repeatedly. After the meal, the drinking continued, followed by non stop screaming from one end to another. Everyone was laughing for no apparent reason and we were laughing hard as if the funniest joke had been announced but no one knew what the joke was. I found the movie Gremlin on the movie shelf and inserted it into the vcr and left it running. I couldn’t help but notice how dark it was outside, you couldn’t see a thing and it looked awfully frightening, somewhere you wouldn’t want to be in especially in the state we were in. It was 12 am, the lsd was beginning to fade and things began to reconnect so everyone munched on some more mushrooms and things got out of hand. The screaming got louder and the adventures resurrected within some. A buddy was wrapped up in bandages because a mosquito bite he endured had swelled up and coincidently his nose began to bleed, he needed a time out. I remember one of my buddy telling me how he was certain our wounded friend was  an injured Viet Cong from the Vietnam War, since our wounded friend is of Vietnamese decent. Then things got a little weird when I smashed the ice cube holder onto the sink to get the ice out which caused some awkwardness between the crew, so we did the unthinkable…we went outside, accompanied by a bottle of Vodka.

It wasn’t as hot anymore, the breeze was quite enjoyable and the silence was soothing. It’s dark, very dark; looking back at the lighted cottage we could tell the difference between insanity and peace. Those god damn mosquitoes are everywhere, thousands of them and the only way to get rid of these swine’s was to build a fire. Once the fire had been set, we were certain the mushrooms had begun to take effect, perhaps reawakening the afternoon inside of us. We turned to the iPad and began playing Diplo’s Riddimentary album while zipping on the Vodka and staring into the fire. The rhythm inside of us began to jingle and soon after some sort of island cultural dancing commenced. My buddy had wrapped his sweater around his head and pranced around the fire like some ritual while enjoying the music and Vodka. At that moment I was in total relaxation, maybe it was the drugs but I was at peace with myself…

I was the first one to wake up; luckily with the fan in our room the bugs couldn’t get to us. I took a shower and brushed my teeth and asked myself if what happened yesterday actually happened. Then I saw the mosquito bites, 32…I then continued to my buddies room, noticing his door is slightly opened, I entered and to my discovery he was gone. Could he had lost all sanity the night prior and swam out into the abyss, no he was sleeping in the car due to the bug infestation in his room. We packed and cleaned everything up, saying our good byes and left in peace. On the ferry ride back, we were fortunate enough to witness the sunset and all the boys were quite, staring seamlessly into the horizon and already missing the cottage: our salvation and haven from society. We did not once thought about hurting one another; we were even frighten to get near the water in the beginning but went for a swim and canoeing anyways. I didn't want to eat the snake nor harm it, I unfortunately didn't get the chance to see any elephants or giraffes nor God but Im sure it could possible if I wanted to. We were still intelligent enough to retract our friend who had an over time sun bath and treated our surroundings with the upmost respect. LSD is definitely not for everyone but I;m glad I had chance to experiment with it and at that moment is when I remember what Kenny Hotz told us randomly one summer night: “Never try acid kids.”

-Calvin Tong